Assertive Speaking

Although it isn't always easy being assertive, sometimes it is the best approach. There are times when communication between two people is at a standstill, and there is no clear direction or agenda to take. When this happens, assertiveness comes in handy. Even more, if you are able to combine your assertiveness with other communication skills, such as listening, then you have a winning combination.

It might be difficult to see how using assertiveness can improve your communication skills. You may not think that you need to learn how to be more assertive. After all, you already know how to be assertive with your body language and voice tone. However, if you take some time to examine your communication skills, you will find that you use some sort of assertive speaking often, even if you do not mean to.

One good exercise to help you get a better understanding of what assertive speaking is and how you can use it in your communication with others is to think about how you feel when you are being talked to aggressively. What is it about aggressive communication that makes you feel uncomfortable? Is it when someone else starts talking at you, or when you start defending yourself or trying to prove your point? Or is it when you feel hurt and you want to set the person straight?

Once you understand how and why it feels to be spoken to in these ways, you can practice using assertive speaking in different situations. Perhaps you are communicating with a customer who is upset about a problem or issue with your company. Assertive communication skills can be very useful here to help the customer feel heard while making sure that your company's actions, attitude, and products are meeting their needs. When you practice using assertive speaking with this person, make sure that you are clear about your expectations and that you are consistent in them.

Another good practice for using assertiveness skills when communicating is to think back to times when you were criticized or called on in a professional setting. How did you respond to the criticism? How does it feel to hear the criticism and how do you feel after listening to it? When you practice assertive speaking with other people, be careful not to criticize where your feedback is negative because that will make you appear defensive. Instead, find ways to be more assertive and work to improve upon the behavior to fix whatever was negatively wrong.

If you have not developed your assertive speaking skills, you might be surprised to learn that you have some negative feelings about something. You may be afraid that your actions are not appropriate or that you are making a mistake. In order to be able to improve your communication skills, you have to learn to let go of any negative feelings you have and focus on what you want instead. Taking an assertive stand by speaking your truth is one way you can accomplish this.

There are many other ways you can use assertive body language communication to speak up for yourself when you need to. For example, when someone tries to talk their way into a conversation or keeps interrupting, you can look them straight in the eye and confidently say "You're interrupting my flow of information. You're not getting in here." Or if someone is cutting you off in your conversation you can shake your head and look them straight in the eye while saying, "You're cutting me off. Keep going if you want to."

Learning how to practice saying "no", "please" and "excuse me" is another great way to use assertive communication skills when you disagree with someone else or are acting in a negative way. When someone else points out something you don't like about something you've done or said, you can quickly change the subject or say "Thank you" and walk away. You also don't have to physically leave the room if you feel the topic warrants another discussion elsewhere. When you practice saying "no", "please", and "excuse me" you'll notice the positive results quickly. And that will make you feel better about yourself and others will too!